STILL WAITING FOR THE PERFECT CANDIDATE?
What if there is no such Thing? And holding out helps donald trump?
HERE’S THE THING: I’m just a dog, but I’ve been thinking about the perfect candidate.
Frankly, this is something that you should not leave to a dog. But given the childish way Democrats are fighting among themselves, finding fault with anyone who seems to be getting ahead in either the polls or early primaries, I must jump in with all four paws.
I do have a suggestion for the perfect candidate.
The answer is not “who” but “what.”
Our perfect candidate is a potted plant.
Frankly, this is something that you should not leave to a dog. But given the childish way Democrats are fighting among themselves, finding fault with anyone who seems to be getting ahead in either the polls or early primaries, I must jump in with all four paws.
I do have a suggestion for the perfect candidate.
- My candidate is authentically, unquestionably “green.”
- This candidate has never said a bad word about anybody or anything. No gotcha tape recording, hot-mic wisecrack, no yearbook ethnic slur or disciplinary record as a Second Grader waiting to be unearthed.
- Our candidate flourishes when talked to, just loves to listen and never, ever talks back.
- The candidate is gender neutral (as far as a non-scientist can tell).
- The candidate can easily be moved to the left, to the right, to the middle, as conditions warrant.
- This candidate, at a time of governmental secrecy, loves the sunlight,
- Our candidate doesn’t have a “vision," but pledges to “do no harm,” while in office (or out of office).
The answer is not “who” but “what.”
Our perfect candidate is a potted plant.
IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE IDEA of a Christmas cactus or a geranium leading the Democrats into the Nov. 3 election, then you are going to have to live with the alternative: someone who’s in the race. And sad to be the barker of bad news here, each man and woman currently in the field is flawed.
She or he has something about him or her that somebody doesn’t like.
In fact, for the people who are in the race for the Democratic nomination, they have only one attribute to recommend them: they are not Donald J. Trump.
Here’s the thing.…
(By the way, are you as sick as I am of hearing that phrase – “Here’s the thing” – which is what candidates say when they want you to know that they’re talking straight and simple, but it never turns out that way)
She or he has something about him or her that somebody doesn’t like.
In fact, for the people who are in the race for the Democratic nomination, they have only one attribute to recommend them: they are not Donald J. Trump.
Here’s the thing.…
(By the way, are you as sick as I am of hearing that phrase – “Here’s the thing” – which is what candidates say when they want you to know that they’re talking straight and simple, but it never turns out that way)
ANYWAY, HERE’S THE THING: the Democrats don’t have a superstar candidate. It’s been the problem since Trump’s election in 2016.
The Democratic superstars are out of the picture:
Barack Obama – not available, per the Constitution’s two-term limit.
Michelle Obama – also unavailable (so she says).
That’s the entire supply.
Which leaves a whole bunch of people that many, even lots of voters aren’t crazy about. They have great potential; and they are imperfect.
But take it from a dog, who is here today to tell you not to be too picky.
I, too, once faced imperfect choices. After being rounded up as a stray puppy in Missouri, I was brought to a Rhode Island shelter, where the options were limited: Choice A – I could move in with a bunch of strangers about whom I knew nothing, including how they smelled and whether they had terrible taste in TV shows; or Choice B – I could hold out for something better to come along, but risk eventually disappearing in a puff of smoke, literally.
Choice A indeed was not perfect: One of the Humans was known – for good reason – as “The Grouchy One;” but another inhabitant was “The Nice One,” and let's be clear, those don't come along very often.
And that’s where we as a country find ourselves today.
We can either get behind an imperfect Democrat; or wait for the perfect plant and let the country go up in smoke.
The Democratic superstars are out of the picture:
Barack Obama – not available, per the Constitution’s two-term limit.
Michelle Obama – also unavailable (so she says).
That’s the entire supply.
Which leaves a whole bunch of people that many, even lots of voters aren’t crazy about. They have great potential; and they are imperfect.
But take it from a dog, who is here today to tell you not to be too picky.
I, too, once faced imperfect choices. After being rounded up as a stray puppy in Missouri, I was brought to a Rhode Island shelter, where the options were limited: Choice A – I could move in with a bunch of strangers about whom I knew nothing, including how they smelled and whether they had terrible taste in TV shows; or Choice B – I could hold out for something better to come along, but risk eventually disappearing in a puff of smoke, literally.
Choice A indeed was not perfect: One of the Humans was known – for good reason – as “The Grouchy One;” but another inhabitant was “The Nice One,” and let's be clear, those don't come along very often.
And that’s where we as a country find ourselves today.
We can either get behind an imperfect Democrat; or wait for the perfect plant and let the country go up in smoke.
IT’S NOT A GIVEN that we’re going to make the right choice
Every time one Democrat or another seems to be making some headway, in the primary voting so far or in the opinion polls, the immediate result is to go on the attack and focus on the person’s wretched flaws and unsavory history.
Take Mike Bloomberg. After spending millions upon millions upon millions on TV ads that are making him a household name, two things have happened: he’s come up in the polls, some of which show him beating Trump; the other thing involves “revelations” coming fast and furious, showing him to have been a foul-mouthed and sexist CEO of the media company that made him a gazzilionaire; and to have been a New York City mayor who backed a policing policy that victimized young black citizens.
The Washington Post last week unearthed a 32-page booklet complied in 1990 by an executive at his media company for the occasion of his 48th birthday, “The Wit and Wisdom of Michel Bloomberg.”
Here’s an example, in a section about how to be a successful salesperson:
“Make the customer think he’s getting laid when he’s getting fucked.”
And another knee-slapper:
“A good salesperson asks for the order. It’s like the guy who goes into a bar, and walks up to every gorgeous girl there, and says ‘Do you want to fuck?’ He gets turned down a lot – but he gets fucked a lot, too!”
Any positives here? Only one I can think of is that if Dirty-Mouth Mike does become Presentable President Mike, his speechwriters won’t have to look far for material for his inaugural address.
We might mention, without excusing the destructive atmosphere that Bloomberg seems to have condoned and promoted at his company, that booklet wasn’t limited to gutter talk. Other sayings from Chairman Mike included:
“There are two things I’d love to do – have more birthdays and pay more taxes. If you have more birthdays, it’s obviously because you haven’t died yet, and if you pay more taxes, it’s clearly because you’re making more money.”
Or this one:
“When I was growing up in Boston, we always used sterling silver at all our meals. All my friends’ mothers used stainless steel flatware. We weren’t any better off than my friends’ families. So I asked my mother why we did this. She told me: ‘Use your best for the people who matter the most.’”
Every time one Democrat or another seems to be making some headway, in the primary voting so far or in the opinion polls, the immediate result is to go on the attack and focus on the person’s wretched flaws and unsavory history.
Take Mike Bloomberg. After spending millions upon millions upon millions on TV ads that are making him a household name, two things have happened: he’s come up in the polls, some of which show him beating Trump; the other thing involves “revelations” coming fast and furious, showing him to have been a foul-mouthed and sexist CEO of the media company that made him a gazzilionaire; and to have been a New York City mayor who backed a policing policy that victimized young black citizens.
The Washington Post last week unearthed a 32-page booklet complied in 1990 by an executive at his media company for the occasion of his 48th birthday, “The Wit and Wisdom of Michel Bloomberg.”
Here’s an example, in a section about how to be a successful salesperson:
“Make the customer think he’s getting laid when he’s getting fucked.”
And another knee-slapper:
“A good salesperson asks for the order. It’s like the guy who goes into a bar, and walks up to every gorgeous girl there, and says ‘Do you want to fuck?’ He gets turned down a lot – but he gets fucked a lot, too!”
Any positives here? Only one I can think of is that if Dirty-Mouth Mike does become Presentable President Mike, his speechwriters won’t have to look far for material for his inaugural address.
We might mention, without excusing the destructive atmosphere that Bloomberg seems to have condoned and promoted at his company, that booklet wasn’t limited to gutter talk. Other sayings from Chairman Mike included:
“There are two things I’d love to do – have more birthdays and pay more taxes. If you have more birthdays, it’s obviously because you haven’t died yet, and if you pay more taxes, it’s clearly because you’re making more money.”
Or this one:
“When I was growing up in Boston, we always used sterling silver at all our meals. All my friends’ mothers used stainless steel flatware. We weren’t any better off than my friends’ families. So I asked my mother why we did this. She told me: ‘Use your best for the people who matter the most.’”
SO, HERE’S THE THING: If Mike Bloomberg turns out to be the person most likely to beat Donald Trump, does what he said in “Wit and Wisdom” disqualify him from running against Trump?
And what of the others?
Is Bernie Sanders out because of his self-imposed label as a “socialist” and because he looks like a B-movie’s wild-haired mad scientist?
Is Elizabeth Warren too shrill, going downhill too fast, fast and faster? Can’t stomach Amy Klobuchar’s mid-Western casseroles and how mean she is to her staff?
Is Mayor Pete “Smalltown” Buttigieg too gay, not gay enough, too reminiscent of early TV’s Howdy Doody? Is Joe Biden too old, too addled, too yesterday?
We do have choices this year.
We can choose an actual person, any person still in the nomination race, any one of whom has real talent, real flaws, and real potential to defeat Donald Trump and possibly go on to be one of the great presidents.
Or we can wait for the perfect candidate.
We have one you'll like at our house, waiting patiently on a stool or windowsill, with the rest of our potted plants.
And here's the thing, they're all perfect.
And what of the others?
Is Bernie Sanders out because of his self-imposed label as a “socialist” and because he looks like a B-movie’s wild-haired mad scientist?
Is Elizabeth Warren too shrill, going downhill too fast, fast and faster? Can’t stomach Amy Klobuchar’s mid-Western casseroles and how mean she is to her staff?
Is Mayor Pete “Smalltown” Buttigieg too gay, not gay enough, too reminiscent of early TV’s Howdy Doody? Is Joe Biden too old, too addled, too yesterday?
We do have choices this year.
We can choose an actual person, any person still in the nomination race, any one of whom has real talent, real flaws, and real potential to defeat Donald Trump and possibly go on to be one of the great presidents.
Or we can wait for the perfect candidate.
We have one you'll like at our house, waiting patiently on a stool or windowsill, with the rest of our potted plants.
And here's the thing, they're all perfect.
RSS Feed